Ladies, let’s talk about this…

So since my last blog post topic, I have been engaged in some very interesting conversations from some of my readers.

Now, even though the men were starring, it was not about them, it was about us. Because I am wondering, why in 2023 cheating is still so socially acceptable….to women?? I’ve been a part of conversations that further concrete my last blog, men would not, will NEVER, like EVER accept cheating from a woman, no matter what, so why is it an accepted, and excusable behavior by them to women?

Oh, in 2023, there are women who are educated, employed, self-employed, running an office, running a country, I mean come on, yet they are sticking besides a man who is laying with many others, why?

I remember years ago, I used to correspond with a lady who used to complain to me about her cheating boyfriend/baby daddy. Even though I was young and younger than her, I gave her this to think about. Your daughter us watching you, she’s also listening to you. What you accept, you’re teaching her to accept, is this what you want for her? Because she’s not going to do the what you say, she’s gonna do what you did, and probably still do.

At that time her daughter was I think 7 years old, you see, even though her daughter was young, that little girl mind was at work, she’s seeing, hearing and feeling, even though she doesn’t understand what’s going on, she’s thinking and those thoughts will end up in her subconscious mind and when she grows to , she’s gonna do things she don’t know why she’s doing it. I believe that if some of us go back to our childhoods, we will find the answers to the questions asked today.

So, she took what I told her and she decided to leave, she took her daughter and she left, the last time I saw her, the last image I can remember, was of her smiling, her face well lit up, she got a lil thick and she was happy. We lost contact over the years, and that’s ok, but if the good Lord was to ever bring us together again, I’m sure I’ll l see that she’s still doing good.

I believe women accepting cheating is a learned behavior that needs to be unlearned. Many believe that “all men cheat” uh, no they don’t, most men cheat, but not all, and the quantity of men that cheat is because #1. Women are availing themselves to for them to cheat with and #2. The woman at home accepts it. I mean, what encouragement do you see there for them to stop?

Then there are those that living the saying that says, “if you can’t beat em, join em”, right? Wrong! You could have beaten them, by doing what they would do if you did it, leave. Stop forgiving and staying, forgive and leave. Hello, when they out there doing whatever with whomever, you don’t know for certain if they using protection, and what they bringing home to you.

For some, they done reach too far to turn back and start over, so they just accept it, they don’t make a fuss about it anymore. They can’t be bothered they just accepted it as their lot in life I guess.

But let’s be completely honest here, the common denominator, no matter how it may present itself, is low self-esteem. And it is not okay to love someone who keeps hurting you, it’s not okay to open yourself up to someone who puts your health and life at risk because they lack self-control and discipline. A faithful man is not impossible, I can give a little and say it’s a challenge for them, but if more women stop accepting it, they’ll take on the challenge that is called being faithful. More and more women need to raise the standard and stop accepting the same crap that was accepted over 50 years ago, back then they didn’t have a choice, things have changed now, women have options now.

Even if that option is to be alone, if you don’t appreciate your own company, how will anyone else? What’s the point of staying with someone because you don’t want to be alone but you with them and you still alone? They treat you like a part-time job, cheating is their full-time job. Being alone clearly has better benefits and it’s so peace ful and beautiful over there.

The Definition of a Man

Why is it ok, for a guy to be unfaithful but it’s completely unacceptable for a woman?

I asked this because, I’ve been talking to some guys lately, that claim to be sibgle, and they all said they broke up with their exes for the same reason, she cheated. My question to the last one was, were guys all dating the same girl or something??

Like seriously, they all claim that their ex-girlfriend’s infidelity is the reason why they’re not together anymore. And get this, all but one, spoke about being faithful in the relationship.

So you spent the entire time cheating on this woman, with no regards to the hurt and embarrassment you’re causing her, but the one time you found out she cheated, it’s a done for you, forthwith. Does the woman’s feelings matter, does it matter as much or less than your own?

It is 2023 for God in heaven sake, why is this acceptable? I have zero desire to be with a man that thinks that my feelings are anything less than his own. Back in the day, things were different, the women of yesterday didn’t endure what they endured for the women of today to accept the same crap they took back then.

Women are now educated, skilled, talented, they are empowered and employed, why is unfaithfulness from the men still an acceptable norm?? Then when you asked them, they’ll say…”well at least he’s coming home.” That’s true right, until he brings you home something you can’t cure, or a baby to remind you what he did with someone else.

I refused to believe that it has anything to do with the fear of being alone, because guess what you’re alone anyway, while he’s about being a single dog on the prowl, looking for a new hole to bury his bone. If that’s the case you’re living in a kennel not a home, my opinion honestly. Accepting a man’s infidelity is a tell tale sign you love him more than you do yourself.

The definition of a man is outlined by the standards, principles and ethics he lives by. For instance, how can a pastor preach to me about my drinking on Sunday morning, when we just came from the bar drinking Saturday night? A true man, leads by example, he lives according to a set of standards rooted in what he believes. The only man that should walk away from a relationship/marriage because of infidelity, is a man that has been faithful throughout the entirety of said relationship/marriage.

It’s NOT a man’s lot in life to be unfaithful and it is NOT a woman’s place in life to accept it. These idiotic beliefs and practices needs to be unlearned, the mind needs renewing, rewiring and reprogramming. We’re living in a new age society with outdated mindsets. If the men are not accepting infidelity, my question again, to the women, why is it for us? We cannot control their actions, but we can control what we accept. Because by accepting it, you are definitely aiding it to happen again, and again.

Cheaters don’t like each other, they don’t like each other because they don’t want to experience the pain they know they cause other people, the people they so claimed to love, honor and respect.

This has been quoted to me quite a few times, “a lady can’t do what the guys are doing, and still be a lady.” to the fellas that believe this, know and understand this, not every woman out here is trying to be a lady, because they’re very few men out here being gentlemen. Remember this one too while you quoting “What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander”.

Everywhere there’s Dirt

Happy October to everyone! Yes, we are in the 10th month of 2023, it is usually around this time I pause to reflect. I do not know how this year so far has been for you, I don’t even know how it has been for me, guess I can say it was good by only focusing on the positives.

Last month, my birth month, my mind was like a theme park; a lot of activity, too much activity going on in there. I went into a very deep and dark place, because I had a lot of people around me, and everybody had their opinions, some I asked for, others I didn’t.

I’m glad that I was given the time off to process things, and I am out of it now, and I am doing not only good, but better, thanks firstly to God, and that family member and the friends that were there with me through it all. I am truly grateful for you guys.

When you listen to fear, because you think fear knows better than you do, don’t go to your friends, go to God. Sometimes you go to God, but you still go to your friends, because you’re still listening to the fears, you’re troubling your own waters, you’re destroying your own peace because you let doubt come in and took up residence, and you’re then looking for someone else to take it out for you.

You doubt what you know because of fear, and, you listen to people who know less than you do, because of fear. When fear is on duty, logic takes a rest day. You’re listening to fear, and doubt speaks, and anxiety whispers, and you constantly question what is it that you’re missing? How thorough were you or are you being?

Truth is, we are all human beings, we don’t know it all, Jehovah God is the ONLY all-knowing one. As a human being, it’s natural to panic, feel anxious and fearful because you don’t know it all. We are all trying to figure this or that, there’s dirt everywhere.

The first takeaway from this is, go to God and Him alone, people will always want to give an opinion whether they’re asked or not. God is not the author of confusion, trust God with whatever concerns you, He knows best, and people who wants the best for you, should go to God FIRST before offering an opinion. He is never wrong, that’s His record for ages.

Second takeaway, you can’t get angry at them because underneath, they’re looking out for you, and wants what’s best for you, so you can’t be rude or ungrateful, so I struggled with how to deal with that. Especially when one or two of those unrequested opinions came from a parent, who didn’t seemed to be too concerned with how their words affected your mental and emotional wellbeing. I have to do what is necessary, respectfully to protect my peace, because it was me alone going through it

Third takeaway, there’s nothing wrong with seeking emotional support from other humans like yourself, but be sure that the person or those persons are emotionally mature enough to listen, and speak without criticism, judgement, condescension, and disrespect but with reason, logic, respect and understanding. You know, someone who doesn’t think because they’re older that they’re automatically right, totally oblivious to the possibility that they could be wrong.

Being older doesn’t necessarily mean that you know it all, or that you know more than I do, I’ll quicker listen to someone who knows this than someone who doesn’t. I may be younger, but my thought process may be different than yours was at my age, my choices may look similar but that doesn’t mean they’re exactly the same either. I despise assumptions and questions that are assumption based.

Everywhere there’s dirt, in everyone’s yard there’s dirt, God made it that way so that we will remain humble and not get pompous, thinking we know everything. And He made it that way to remind us that He IS GOD! The ONLY One who sees, hears, and knows ALL!

We Cannot have it All

I have always been heavy, from the time I know myself I was heavy. Before people I never knew that being overweight was committing some kind of crime against humanity, against the world’s standard of beauty. I mean the way that the world treats you for simply being overweight, is enough at times to commit suicide sometimes, if you let it all in.

Daily, you are constantly reminded (just in case you forgot) how big you are, they tell you, that you are too much of something and not enough of something else. With the constant in your face about being fat and how you need to lose weight, some will pretty it up and say it’s for your health, but really is it? Because if you lose the weight they’ll find something else for you to either gain or lose.

People who don’t like themselves will go out of their way to make you not like yourself. Anyone who is in love with themselves, who is confident in themselves will never spew venom. It’s a truth that I have learned as I worked on myself. Like I said already I will never be called fat by another fat person, but by those who have issues with their own self image. Too many people have died trying to lose weight in an effort to be perfect, in an effort to be approved of and accepted, but here’s the truth that is being overlooked…how can you expect to be accepted and approved by others, when you haven’t accepted and approved yourself?

I am currently at the lightest weight I have been since I was in high school, I worked on myself, for MYSELF, not for anybody else. Among the pounds that have been lost, is trying to fit into what this world calls beautiful, sadly beautiful people don’t know that they are beautiful and the ugly ones walking around here like magazine covers, fake, polished and printed.

The popular soda Coca-Cola isn’t popular and successful because of the container it comes in, but what comes in the container. So I have no problem at all being a can, among the bottles made from plastic and glass. We can not have it all, some of us have the bottle shape that’s appealing to the eyes, but not to the tongue because the contents is flat. I have come to terms with the possibility of me never having a certain body type and shape, my worth is not defined by it. I celebrate the women who got the model shape, we shine differently but we still shine, in a world that is dark.

I consider it a complete waste of energy trying to dim each other’s light, because it won’t make either of us shine any brighter. We can’t have it all, and God the creator of humanity did it this way on purpose. As individuals, especially women, we need to stop striving for perfection because it will never be attained. Learn to love yourself for who you are, the way you look right now, if you haven’t done so already.

In the world of beauty, you will always have something that will make you come short of perfect. Just remember, that the God that created you, that knitted you in your mother’s womb love you just the way you are. You are His workmanship, He created the rest of creation with His words, but you, He created with His hands. You are a masterpiece that was masterfully created by the Master.

With that in mind, I won’t feel any less than beautiful because another woman doesn’t look like me, the last time I checked Coca-Cola that comes in the bottles and cans still sells. And they are sold not based on the container but the contents. Peace and blessings 🥂

Keeping it simple…I’m Doing Me

Over the past couple weeks, I experienced something that caused me to look within myself and ask….have I, am I being honest with myself? And if I am not, then who am I honest with, if I am not with myself?

Someone was caught being deceptive, but I couldn’t outright be mad at them, because I wasn’t honest with myself or even them. I told them they had my heart when they didn’t, I confess my love for them which wasn’t true, acted like I was happy with them but I wasn’t.

Intellectually we weren’t a match, he was not someone that I could have had a meaningful dialogue with about anything that had substance. Then came the crossroad, I was faced with the choice me or him, and without hesitation I chose myself. Choosing myself I am cognizant of the truth that it was the right thing for me to do, but I honestly emotionally I felt the void, and I classified it as a loss. But really, it wasn’t a loss, not to me at least because he himself said it, he has nothing to offer me, he recognized the quality I carry, and he acknowledges his place with me, he’s not the man for me.

Even though I knew that, that he wasn’t the mate for me, I still kinda held on for a bit, and I had to ask myself why? Sometimes I care too much about other people’s feelings over my own, and in the past this has caused me to experience a lot of pain. He said he doesn’t know what I see in him to love, he said I am a good person, I have a good heart but he honestly don’t know why I feel the way I do about him.

In the past I would have taken that like it was a project assignment, but I saw that the brokeness, the damage was not mine to repair, that can only come from God, but first it has to start with him. It is a true testament of my character, I don’t look down on anyone, I don’t put down anyone, but I had to be honest with myself, if I had stayed, I would have been doing a disservice to myself. Many things he said to me were lies, but telling me he doesn’t have anything to offer me, he’s not educated, he doesn’t have a steady job, a steady source of income, he doesn’t see anything about him, I believe that that’s he was being as open, honest and vulnerable as he can get.

I’ve learned, that it is ok to walk away from someone or something that is not meeting your standards; you’re not being a bad person for leaving someone that is not what you are looking for. Some women would accept them as they are and try to change them, but you can’t change a person who doesn’t have the desire to change. Some people have accepted that as their lot in life and is not interested in doing what is necessary to change it.

If the knife not sharp enough, it’s just not sharp enough, doesn’t make sense to waste my time with it if it’s not cutting. Simply, put it back and look for another knife that can do what is required.

The key is to Manage

There was a time when I asked the question, what good is there in being good? I have noticed the nice, kindhearted, generous, loving and caring people gets dragged all over the floor. Receiving punishment for being kind to someone they had for a friend or family.

People lie to you, they’ll say and do all manner of things to win your trust, and confidence in them, sometimes you are trusting them and questioning yourself. You are seeing and hearing things, and you’re like, nah, they’ll never do that, yeah they said it buttttt, they don’t mean it. Sigh

Silly you thinking they are going to be good to you because you’re good or great to them. Unfortunately, life has taught that it doesn’t necessarily happen that way. People don’t cherish and respect the good in you, they take advantage of it and call you stupid because of it.

You are left hurt, betrayed, confused and embarrassed because they did you wrong after you were so nice to them. As a human response to that, is try to be as mean and unpleasant and dishonest like them. This looks like protecting yourself from being hurt again, you tried to be hard and cold like the world we live in but you’ve failed, you get hurt again and again you try to be cold and hard and again you failed.

You had enough of trying on your own so you go to God for him to “remake/re-create” you because the original you isn’t working out for you, you keep getting hurt out there, so your solution to that is to be like the ones you can’t beat, though you don’t know that it’s not actually a defeat.

It is a defeat when you’re seeking victory at being opposite to who you are and who you were created to be. They hurt you, because, they are broken in the area where you’re whole in. And because you’re whole in this area, you’re mistakenly believe that they are whole like you too, so you don’t expect that from them. You’re hurt because you can feel the impact but the pain is from contact not from the breaking.

Yes, their brokennes hit you, but it didn’t break you, that’s why it hurt so much. The solution is never to be like them, not to be like those broken pieces that is shaped into human beings, you will be defeated, God made you the way you are for a reason, and if you take a look back and around you, you’ll know and understand why.

The world cannot see God but they can experience Him. Through that same part of you that you want him to take away from you, it is that he uses to show the world what love really is, what grace really is, what forgiveness and resilience really is; and it’s not just fiction but it is real, rare but oh…so…real.

So instead of asking God to take it away from you, why not ask him to teach you how to manage it, how to use it properly. Think of it as a automobile you’ve been gifted, and you don’t even have a driver’s license yet, will you tell the person to take it back or will you go to driving school? It’s the same principle here, ask God for help, wisdom and knowledge on how to use it properly and manage the way he intended.

He said that we ought to be the light of this world, that means without us the world is dark, and to be the salt of this world, which means we give the world flavor 😋 without us the world would be just bland. Don’t throw it away, ask the creator to teach you how to manage it, that’s the 🔑.

Peace n Blessings. 🥂👋🏾

My Soul is not a Graveyard for Pain

A powerful woman

Like everyone else in the world I have experienced pain in one form or another, but unlike everyone else, I don’t use my soul as a resting place for pain. I will not suffer eternally from pain, that’s not going to ever happen.

In the age we are in now, you’re not allowed to have feelings or even express them, you do that it’s considered weakness. But pain has a purpose, if it didn’t we wouodn ‘t have had it, life would be pain free. So the existence of pain is to serve a purpose, once used correctly.

I am grateful to Jehovah God for my relationship with Him, because it was there I’ve learned to be honest with what I feel. And I wasn’t judged or made fun of, to Him I have the freedom to express myself honestly, I don’t have to be brave or strong for Him because He is all that for me.

Him allowing me to be weak, as He remain strong, allowing me to be all over the place while He remains calm and centered, allowing me to speak, scream, cry, and shout while He listens attentively and not passively. I have learned who He is, additionally what true emotional support is all about and what true friendship is.

When all that is done and I’m empty, it is now my turn to listen to Him, to remain calm and centered, not only to hear but to listen to what is being said. It is during this time I am being strengthened, I am being healed, delivered and set free. It is during this time, I am receiving wisdom, understanding, forgiveness, guidance and knowledge,

It is because of my relationship with Jehovah God that I am able to use that pain, to empower and encourage myself, to and then to encourage and inspire the lives of others. My soul is not ever going to be a cemetery for pain, my soul will not be its resting place. It may come in as pain, but know this, it is leaving as power.

It was intentional, not accidental

I am releasing anyone that ever believed that the least was good enough for me. That I should be grateful for the bare minimum, because that’s all I’m worthy of. What I am grateful for, is, today I’ve learned to accept people for who they are, recognizing where they are and loving them for that, but not allowing what they have to give, to be the standard.

I am the standard that I set for others when it comes to me, if I continue to be understanding, accommodating and accepting, if I continue to be content, then that is what I will continue to get. No longer will I fight or argue with anyone for not giving me what I require, because I’ve recognized that they are giving me their best, or what THEY think is best for me.

Truth is, that is how they choose to treat me; they get up every day and they make choices just like myself and everyone else, they make choices on who and how they will be, and to whoever, for whatever reason. The choice is theirs to make, but the standard is mine to accept.

I’m not going to stay in an unhappy, an unhealthy relationship or friendship, where in order to maintain peace I have to overlook questionable things. And when it’s called out, I’m the one that has the problem; like keep walking in the water, my feet is longer touching the sand, the water is up to my nose, but ignore that and keep walking, really?

I am releasing everyone that I have been holding on to, that I have been waiting on to love and treat me the right way, I’m letting you go because holding on to you, have been holding me down, have been keeping me back, and I cannot do it anymore, I will not do it anymore. I am done waiting with the expectation of better that will never come. Since better did not come, maybe it is me that should go.

It is time that I stopped looking and expecting from others what they can’t give. It is time that I stopped subjecting myself to their lack that strengthens my insecurities, that make me doubt myself and see myself as not good enough. Truth is, what I am looking for from them is already on the inside of me, that’s why I haven’t found it, I’ve been looking in the wrong place all this time.

When I was being knitted together in my mother’s womb He knew me, all that I EVER needed in this life was placed inside me, I have to seek Him for guidance and direction to find it all. I’m almost 40 years old and I’m still discovering myself, and that is because I’ve taken the time to look, they’re others who have not taken the time and do what is required. So, with that I’ve extended mercy to everyone who couldn’t love me right, or treated me right or cared for me enough,

Here is the defining moment, the flesh will want revenge, because the pain is so severe sometimes, but oh when Jesus said “father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” I completely understand now, this is proof that my spirit is very much alive and Christ is in it. My spirit wants to give them grace, and show mercy and unconditional love, you know, what God through Christ has given me.

I choose forgiveness even though some, if not all, of what was done was intentional, not accidental. Their choices reflects who they are, and their own struggles and insecurities. Their mess is not mine to clean up, I was not the one that created the mess in their life, I’m just refusing to allow their mess to become mine.

So, I am letting them go, freeing up my hands and putting one foot in front of the other, opening myself all the way up, to receive the BEST, starting with me. It starts with me knowing and walking in this truth, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, by a great God who loves and adores me. I was made into His image and likeness, I am a beautiful person on the inside and out.

What I believe?

A pioneer, visionary and legend.

I believe that I am destined for greatness, I have greatness inside of me, because the greatest One is on the inside of me. I have listened to what people have told me directly and indirectly about who I was, think I would be and should be long enough, I have believed it long enough. It was going well for them until I found the alternative, I believe that God gave me the imagination, the pen, the paper and the freedom to change what will be read and known about me.

People look at you and make all sorts of assumptions, then they act all surprised because they never knew. I mean how could you know anything about me just by looking? I mean you may know something but not everything, gold looks good in the jewelry store but it doesn’t come out of the ground like that. In order for it to look like that it has to go through a process, which may look like punishment.

I believe that I have been too concerned about the world’s view of me as a person and not how God, who created me saw me. I am grateful for a mind like mine, I believe that I have a very powerful mind that has not only strength but depth. I have visions in my mind, and the audacity to believe that I can do it all. God gave me the visions because He knows what He knitted in me while I was in my mother’s womb.

A woman of vision, ambition and faith has the capacity to change the world around her. Though I may look simple, but there’s nothing simple about me. God gave the dreams and visions to me for a reason, not that no one else can do it, but no one else can do it like me, and that’s the way He wants it done. That’s why I have said and will say again, I am destined for greatness, I have greatness inside me because the greatest One is on the inside of me.

Who is this great One I’m referring to? No one other than Jehovah God, who can do exceedingly, abundantly ABOVE alllll that I can EVER ask or think. The one who tell me I can do it ALL because I am doing it in His strength. The One with make ALLLLL things are possible to the believers (I’m one of them), the One in whom I live and move and have my being. Just in case you were wondering, that is who the greatest One is. Greater is He that is IN me than he that it is in the world.

As a man thinketh in his heart so is he, well I am a HUGE thinker, so that makes me HUGE!! LOL. I’m 5ft 4 inches tall but my abilities don’t stop at the tip of the strands of my hair, or within the span of my outstretched arms. I’m not limited to the doubters, nor am I halted by those who can’t see what I see, until they see what I first saw. I am chosen by God for special assignments, and He didn’t need anyone else to weigh in on whether I was the one or not, He has all the information necessary to make His choice.

I believe that anyone who puts their complete trust in Jehovah God will not fail, will not be ashamed or embarrassed. It is His good pleasure to bless those who trust Him, I choose to believe that God has great plans of prosperity and futuristic hope for me. I am destined to make history, destined for greatness, because I have greatness inside of me because the greatest one is on the inside of me.

Let your light so shine